Goltzius and the Pelican Company

Pssst... D'ya'wanna see nudes? Right over here! Nudes aside, I just spent 128 minutes of my life with this puerile offering from Peter Greenaway ("The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover") so you don't have to.

This travesty, submitted to the 2013 Seattle International Film Festival by the UK, the Netherlands, France and Croatia, is also known as "Golcijus i pelikansko društvo." This one is guaranteed to be the darling of critics and artistes, but in my opinion, not the rest of us. We like stories, characters and, amazingly enough, already know how sex looks and works.

This flimsy collection of pornography posing as ironic Art (capital "A") wasn't cohesive enough to be offensive, it was just juvenile, tedious and worst of all...BORING!

We saw (most of!) these folks:

• F. Murray Abraham ("Dead Man Down") is The Margrave; he has the leering and lecherous looks down pat. He was perfect...but as what?
• Flavio Parenti ("To Rome With Love") spends most of the time nude. I'm not sure why, but there it is....
• Vincent Riotta (Lots of TV) is a cardinal who...gasp!...gets a woman pregnant! Revelatory!

I won't bore you with any more players, who play players (smile) hired to entertain The Margrave with depictions of pornography based on the Old Testament. The players want to buy a printing press, so they treat us to Adam and Eve; Lot drunkenly impregnating his two daughters; David killing Bathsheba's husband so he can have her for himself; Samson and Delilah; it goes on, but I don't want to talk about it any more... Even THIS bores me.

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Here is a U-Tube sample:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mb6BxnQIGIM 

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