Machete

First a little background: In 2007, a couple of audacious film writers, Quentin Tarantino ("Pulp Fiction") and Robert Rodriguez ("Sin City"), wrote two feature-length horror films linked by fake trailers, all three presented as "Grindhouse." Fanboys went NUTS! Plus they started begging for one of the spoofs featured in the trailers!

Thus was "Machete" born.

This blood-splattered (but humor-laced) potboiler illustrates the far- reaching tentacles of the drug cartels south of the border and the political chicanery to the north. Our story centers on one muy feo hombre whose weapon of choice is...you guessed it...a machete; all that blowie uppie stuff is for sissies! He is a former Mexican Federale who is now an illegal alien, just trying to get work as a laborer.

• Former real-life felon Danny Trejo ("Dark Games") plays our very ugly fellow, a tragedy-scarred loner, a man of few words who prefers low-tech weaponry.
• Former action star Steven Seagal (TV's "Southern Justice") is the brutal jefe honcho of the Mexican cartel.
• Former tabloid queen Lindsay Lohan ("Mean Girls") is the messed-up daughter of a political functionary.
• Former marijuana front man Cheech Marin ("The Perfect Game") is Machete's brother turned priest.
• Former heartthrob Don Johnson ("When in Rome") is a lawman, a stogie-smokin' Good Ol' Boy.
• Jeff Fahey (LOTS of TV) brings plenty of blue-eyed charm to his role as a political strategist.
• Robert De Niro ("Meet the Fockers") is a racist state senator running for reelection on an anti-immigrant platform.
• Jessica Alba ("Little Fockers") wears spike heels as a hard- working DEA agent! (Her hair looks sooo clean.)
• Michelle Rodriguez ("Avatar") runs a taco stand out of a van. She darn near steals the show.

By the way, those two females pass the Bechdel Test, i.e., their characters have names and their conversations are NOT about a man, but instead about the problems of immigration and corrupt governments. Kudos to the writers. That being said, this is an over-the-top, highly exaggerated view of the immigration problem. The bloodshed and the betrayals however, are probably right on the money.

You'll either love it or you'll hate it.

NOTE: In June, 2013, I saw the first preview for the sequel!