The Lone Ranger - 1981

Actually, the full name is "The Legend of the Lone Ranger" but like many other elements in this classic misfire, it's too cumbersome... The music is awkward, the dialogue is absolutely dreadful and the voice-over is in verse (?!?). Only one statement in the script resonates with me: "In Texas, robbers are outlaws; in Washington D.C., robbers are elected." This tells me nothing much has changed over the years.

Scripted by a committee chaired by Ivan Goff and Ben Roberts, this cringe-worthy mess was directed by William A. Fraker (Lots of TV)...may their names go down in infamy....

Here are the on-screen culprits/victims (take your pick):
  • Klinton Spilsbury is John Reid/Lone Ranger, the idealistic lawyer who wants to see Justice brought to Texas. (This is Spilsbury's only film. After it wrapped he went to Europe, did some modeling, then became an acting coach in Vancouver, B.C.)
  • Michael Horse (Lots of TV and voice work) is Tonto, Reid's friend and blood brother since childhood.
  • John Bennett Perry ("Independence Day") is Captain Dan Reid, our hero's brother. He feels he is fighting a losing battle...and he is.
  • Christopher Lloyd (Lots of TV and voice work) is Butch (short for "Butcher") Cavendish, the bible-toting villain of the piece.
  • Richard Farnsworth ("The Straight Story") is Wild Bill Hickok, the well-known gunman riding in the presidential train and playing poker with the president.
  • Jason Robards ("Magnolia") is President Ulysses S. Grant, who comes campaigning to Texas.
  • Juanin Clay ("WarGames" she died of a heart ailment at age 46) is Amy Striker, the idealistic young journalist who has attracted the attention of our hero.
There is a startling amount of profanity, along with deaths by hanging, shooting, stabbing and a firing squad, so the PG rating surprises me, but then again, maybe the MPAA decided no one would go see this black hole, so the rating wouldn't matter. And it IS only 98 minutes long!

Nominated for numerous Razzie Awards and a winner for Worst Actor, Worst Script and Worst New Actor, we'll just let the work speak for itself. It's clear that Klinton Spilsbury is handsome, personable and charming, so it's sad to see that in his first (and only) time out the gate he got mixed up with this bunch.
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The only link is to the whole movie, I have NOT tested this:
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