The Love Guru

Let's make a list of (to my way of thinking) unfunny items:
  • A cross-eyed guru played by (Sir) Ben Kingsley ("Schindler's List," "Gandhi," "You Kill Me" and "Sexy Beast")
  • A French-Canadian accented Justin Timberlake (mostly vocal work and TV) whose character is nicknamed "Le Grande Coq" (nudge, nudge, get it?)
  • Fornicating elephants
  • Fart jokes
  • Diarrhea jokes
  • Chastity belt jokes (it clangs at inappropriate moments)
  • Lots of slams to the crotch
  • Utterly ridiculous self-help affirmations (well, maybe some of those ARE funny...)

For some reason, these items leave me cold. I know, I know, I'm just a stuffy old poop!

On the other hand, I like the magic carpet that beeps when it backs up and I'm always bewildered when I see "name brand" actors show up in trashy trivia like this:

  • Val Kilmer ("Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang" and "Top Secret")
  • Mariska Hargitay ("Lake Placid" and "Law & Order" on TV)
  • Jessica Simpson (well, she's sort of a name brand)
  • Deepak Chopra (Real-life self-help guru)

In a nutshell (by the way, this movie is loaded with double entendres), Mike Myers' character Pitka, an American-born guru trained at an ashram in India, is hitting the big time but is unable to reach that final epitome of success, an appearance on Oprah. His agent tells him if he can engineer a reconciliation between Romany Malco ("Baby Mama" and "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"), a temporarily incapacitated ice hockey star and his unfaithful wife, thus enabling the hockey star to recapture his self confidence and win the "Big One," Pitka can appear on Oprah and will no longer be called "The Poor Man's Deepak Chopra." The owner of the hockey team, played by Jessica Alba ("Into the Blue" and "Good Luck Chuck"), is considered a curse by the locals because their team hasn't won the Stanley Cup since she inherited it.

All we can look forward to is one sappy situation after another, a brief Bollywood-type musical interlude and an unrealistically happy ending. If you are a Mike Myers fan ("Austin Powers" and the "Shrek" voice) this might be right down your alley. Otherwise...